This floor-lamp I ordered from Ikea (The KLÖVING) refused to adequately screw onto its damn base.
A quick look online revealed that wobbliness is indeed a common issue among buyers. I could've returned it and exchanged for a less pain-in-the-ass lamp, but who are we kidding? I wouldn't be me unless I attempted an unnecessary roundabout problem-solving idea.
Black aluminum wire to fashion a closed hook atop the lamp, and hook clips to secure a [too long] boxing-bag chain between the lamp and and a brass expansion hook-bolt drilled into the ceiling.
The chain is probably overkill, given that the lamp doesn't really weigh that much. I'll probably replace it with a sturdy enough rope of some kind.